Outside my room it was pitch dark. The only light came from the slit under the room Nurse Ruth was sleeping in. I turned down into the stairwell and onto the third floor corridor. It was cold and dark and silent. With my sister and brother in law downstairs, even their rooms were empty. Down again, to the second floor and then to the first. Now I had to go more slowly, there was a chance of being seen.
I went along to the great arch which hung over the grand stair case down into the great hall. I knelt by the barristers and looked over, like a child peering down when the grown ups have gone to bed. The hall below was empty. I could hear the muffled chinks and footsteps of the servants clearing the dining room. They would not need to go into the hall, they would use the staff door and the dumb waiter.
Mrs Levin would be in her room, Jones would be downstairs in the kitchen, only a footman might be around. I got up my courage and crept swiftly down the stairs. I listened at the sitting room door. Nothing. I went back and outside the library. Now I could hear muffled voices. I continued and found the antechamber door.
This room was mainly a waiting room, we never used it. It was cold and smelt of dust. Papered in dark green, it had a communicating door to the library as well as a carved out design along the top which let in the light from the library. It also let in the sound. I shut the door behind me and crouched on the floor, still and shivering. All my attention was on the voices from inside the library.
It was Victoria speaking, her voice was compassionate, sweet, concerned.
"...can it mean? I am sure she meant no harm. She is simply trying to find some outlet for lost love."
Michael now joined in.
"Lost love?"
"For your son. It does things to a woman's head, she must want to help other children and this was a way to do it. I am sure it was nothing more."
"You may be sure, sister, but I am not so sure. It is more than we think. Her secretiveness. Her deception. And then her visions of footprints this afternoon, her accusations about you?"
Now my brother in law joined in with his wife.
"That is what bothers me. You said there were no such foot prints, it may be simply that she was mistook but grief does odd things to a person."
"Indeed husband, this is my fear also. That she may, without any malice intended, have some sort of brain fever. Or perhaps something worse."
Michael now began to talk and his words chilled me.
"Yes, that is what I think. She is either lying and attempting to get you from the house or she is becoming.....mad. It is possible. A complete change of personality, her change in style of dress, her deception, her disobedience, to me it shows something more unsettling. And then there is the child. I think we must watch her."
"Then have her watched brother, have her watched. Any sign of illness and we can have her committed. We must be cruel to be kind, I am sure. I also think that maybe we should have the doctor come here and examine her."
"No, not yet. I want to give it a few days. I have a thought in my head about that which I will not share until I am more sure of myself. Now, I want diversion. Will you play for us, Victoria?"
At this, I got up. I needed to leave. Out into the hall. I heard them making for the library door and I ran up the stairs, reaching the arch at the top as they came out into the hall. I made my way quickly up to the fourth floor. The light under Nurse Ruth's door was still on, I went along to my room and unlocked the door. Once inside I relocked the door and hid the key carefully in my desk. Bess was waiting in the glass of the window, her eyes anxious. I ran to the window and whispered to her what I had heard. Her eyes widened with fear.
"It is as we thought. We must be more careful than ever. Play the toothless tiger, in order to gain some trust. Do you think the doctor will attend the meeting tomorrow?"
"I don't know. I hope so. Anna can be trusted to give it to him. All I can do is hope that he comes. And that the skies are clear. The moon is bright and nearly full so I should be able to go without a lantern."
At that moment I heard the noise of key in lock. Nurse Ruth came in. She seemed surprised to see me still up and by the window.
"Are you alright my lady, I thought I heard you talking to someone?" I denied this and said I had been saying my prayers. She nodded, looking happier at this and suggested I get some rest. I took some drops, I needed to get as much sleep as possible. Just before I dropped down into my dreams, I saw Bess in the canopy. I heard her voice whispering to me.
"I will watch while you sleep. Do not fear, you are not alone."
I awoke in the morning to rain pattering on the windows. I went to the seat and looked out, it was pouring thickly, I could see a bare few inches outside the window, it was so heavy. Nurse entered, carrying my breakfast tray. She bad me come to the small table before the fire, which she had come in and lit prior to my waking.
Noticing my looks at the rain she commented
"Aye, it's become milder again. The cold north wind is now drawing from the west. I heard his lordship's groom say that it was misty and thick with fog around four but now the rain has cleared that away."
"Will it continue all day?"
"No, I doubt it. This kind of rain rarely stays more than a few hours." She placed my tray before me and supervised my eating. I was not at all hungry, my stomach fluttered and I felt as though I had swallowed a bat. Nurse chided me for my want of appetite and forced tea on me.
"You must drink if you wont eat." She said and the hot liquid did make me calmer. I felt able to eat a little of the toast. I asked if she had seen my husband that day and she shook her head. No, she had not seen him and he was out at the mine, had been since five. She had, however, seen Mrs Levin who had advised her that we should begin clearing the Lady's suite that morning. She would come with me as soon as I was dressed.
I chose a gown that would not show dirt easily, a grey one with no embroidery. I put on an apron over this, I would need it. Thus clad, we descended, Nurse locking my bedroom door behind her. Inside Rhiannon's bedroom, it was less dingy than before. We started with her wardrobe.
Since she had been bedridden for so long, much of her dresses had already been disposed of and she mainly owned night gowns and bed robes. I put aside twelve of these, they were beautifully made, in silk, lace, velvet and soft wool. They would do as my gowns while I was in captivity and also would allow for my burgeoning belly. The rest we had packed up to be given to the rag man. The same went for her underclothing and most of her shawls. I kept some of those though.
Next we turned out attention to her dressing table. I took her silver backed brush and comb set, as well as the jewelled hair pins and little trinkets. I could sort through those later. Her powders and scents we threw away.
There were plenty of books in the room, gothic novels mainly, which I took for myself. We packed up and threw out the medicines and various medical items we found. At that point Nurse Ruth said she must answer a call of nature and went out. While she was gone, I looked through the bag of medicines. I found several that looked interesting. One was a stimulant, the other a strong pain reliever and another was heavy sedative. All three had at least half the bottle left in them. Lastly was a bottle of tablets which I had only known to be used when Lady Rhiannon need an operation on one of her legs. It was a painkiller but one which had caused serious hallucinations so had never been used again. There was almost the entire bottle there. I slipped these items into the pocket of my dress, under the apron they did not shown through.
With Nurse still out of the room, I opened the strong box. Inside were several large jewellery boxes, a small pile of papers and letters and a purse containing around three pounds in coin. I took all of these out and hid the purse in my pocket. The rest could go upstairs with the other items. There was also a small hip flask, which must have been from Rhiannon's hunting days. I take it.
Nurse Ruth re-entered. I asked if she was willing to go into the adjoining sitting room, I felt that there was little more we could do in the bedroom. We went through. This room was sparsely furnished. Only the nurse's rocking chair, the day bed and a few tables and book shelves. Lady Rhiannon had collected crystal and glass carvings which were scattered about these tables. I catalogued them, Nurse wrapped them in soft cloths and we put them into a storage box. I reserved a few to be placed downstairs and one very pretty blue crystal bird to be taken up to my own room. I also took one shaped like a rose, each delicate petal beautifully wrought, which was utterly perfect. I had the books boxed up and sent down to be catalogued for use in the library. I found an old portfolio of water colours, all drawings of the view from the window or of birds on it's sill. Rhiannon had clearly done them as a younger woman. I took these for myself. I wanted to frame some and have them put up around the house.
Lastly I took Rhiannon's beloved guide to British birds and her glasses. They were heavy and used, the leather around the lenses was soft and worn. The strap was also soft from years of wear. I remembered her telling me how I should learn more about birds. At lease now I could make good on her advice.
After assigning house men to take up much of the furniture to the attics, the boxed items to either go to the attic or down to be given to the rag man, and the lovely carpets rolled up and pictures taken down, the room looked empty and sad. The paintings had been catalogued and would be placed in the attic. The carpets were mostly very worn, although two were in good condition and I said that Mrs Eveleigh could have these if she chose. Now the rooms were devoid of their fittings and the life that had been there so long.
Leaving the now empty suite I felt my stomach rumble and realised it must be nearly four in the afternoon!
Nurse Ruth made us tea by the fire side while I looked through the portfolio of drawings. I picked out several depicting the changing seasons which could be framed and some pretty studies of birds as well. I ate with a good appetite after so little breakfast and then asked Nurse if I might take an hour alone to rest. Once she had gone I looked for Bess.
She was in the dressing table mirror. I sat down in front of her and drew out the items from my pocket. The purse of coins, the medicines. I put the coins into my dresser drawer. The medicines I placed inside my desk, all except the liquid sedative. This was a heavy sedative, one for use when Rhiannon was in great pain. I told Bess that my plan was to use it on Nurse Ruth, to ensure her slumber for the few hours when I was away that night. It would take around an hour to reach the meeting place with the doctor, and another back. I had to ensure that she slept soundly. To reach the place at eight, I would need to leave at seven, when the family were in the drawing room and the servants busy preparing dinner.
We talked over how to do it and determined that giving Nurse a cup of tea with the medicine in would do. If she was asleep by half six, that would be ample time to get away. The rain had stopped a few hours before. The night was drawing in, dark and clear. The moon was full. I would be able to see, even though the ground would likely be boggy.
My fingers shaking a little, I made the tea. When I heard Nurse's footsteps coming towards the door, I quickly tipped in the medicine to one cup. I poured in a mouthful then another. I hoped it would be enough. I then poured milk and stirred well.
Nurse was pleased with my already being up and my making her tea. She did not remark on any strange taste, the medicine simply tasted sweet, as I had heard. She must have thought I had put too much sugar in. A few minutes later her eye lids began to droop. I watched her carefully. She seemed to grow sleepier and sleepier until suddenly her eyes shut. I sat still, waiting. All at once the cup dropped from her hand and I caught it before it smashed on the hearth. I waited still longer.
Her breathing was regular and heavy, she did not move and her chest rose and fell in rhythm. My heart beat faster! She was truly asleep! Now for the next part of my plan.
I undressed hastily and took out a thick woollen gown in black. It was plain, with no light trimming. I put on black petticoats and black stockings. I found my darkest cloak, one made from scratchy dark blue wool which I rarely wore. I put on a pair of stout black walking boots. In this attire I would not been seen in the dark night of the park. I took out my watch and chain, the time showed as six fifty. Last I take out Rhiannon's hip flask. It is empty but I fill it from the bottle of whiskey that Lord Llewellyn gave me so long ago, it seems like years but was just months. Bess asked if I were ready. I nodded. I took the key out of my desk and unlocked the door, relocking it behind me.
Down the stairs, quickly and quietly. No one on the floors below. A quick look into the hall before descending. No one. The babble of voices from behind the sitting room door. The noise of servants from the dining room. I was just into the small passage way leading to the chapel when the dinner bell sounded. As I pulled open the chapel door I heard them come out into the hall. I entered the silent sanctum and shut the door behind me.
Through the rows of pews, to the alter. God bless me tonight, Mother of Mary, all you Angels, let me succeed in my quest. To the great door. The postern gate in it was easy to open and I was out into the cold clear night.
I would need now to cross in front of the house, via the lower garden to reach the park. I made my way through the lonely grave yard, keeping my eyes from the tomb of my son and Rhiannon. Please Rhiannon, look down from Heaven and keep me safe tonight. Over the low wall and now I am on the gravel walk between the flower beds. I must go quickly and quietly. The stones snicker and crunch under my feet, go more slowly. There, that is better, less noise but my pace has suffered. I am under the dining room windows. I keep close to the wall and my head down. I reject the impulse to run and keep going, slow and steady, quiet as a shadow. Oh Bess, are you looking down from the window, waiting to see me? Please do not let any one else look out!
Now I am past the windows and into the grass lawn between the brown empty beds of earth, waiting for spring planting. Now I run! Hampered by my belly I cannot go too fast but my feet begin to race and I quickly reach the iron garden gate that opens to the park beyond. Through the gate. Now the vast empty fields and trees await me.
The folly is out to the right of where I am standing, a half hour walk but what if I can go faster? No, I cannot risk falling or slipping in the dark. I remember Michael once saying that if you fix a particular constellation in the middle of your eye line it will lead to you to various landmarks in the park and the valley. Which one was for the folly? Ah yes, I see it, that small cluster ahead. I must keep that in my middle sight. The moon is like a great white giant in the huge bowl of the open night sky. The ground underneath is muddy, the grass wet from the morning rain. It is cold, the wind is up but not too high. I keep walking at a steady pace. I must trust to my sense of direction, I know that I will lose myself if I do not take care. I look up and focus on the stars, I keep walking. I stop counting the minutes and just walk, watching the sky.
There! What was that noise? An owl? A fox? No, it was an owl. In that tree to my left. There! There is goes, a ghost in the dark. And ahead I see the outline of the folly, its tower is easy to spot. I begin to go faster as I make for it. The ground is slippery and boggy in places, my boots feel all clustered with mud. My skirt is damp from the grass. My lungs burn in the icy air but I am sweating under my clothes from the exertion and the excitement.
The folly. I have reached it! I am safe! Is there anyone inside? No. Inside is simply a small circular room with a spiral stairs leading up to the roof of the tower. There are two benches down here and one up at the top. I drop onto one, get my breath back. Take out my flask. The small nip of whiskey sears my throat but brings vitality and courage back to me. I replace it in my pocket. What was that? Footsteps? I strain my ears, the sound stops then starts again. It is coming from behind the folly. And something else. The swish of a woman's dress!
I rise to my feet as the wooden door which I had shut is pushed open......
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