The Edge

A collection of writings taken directly from dreams of my own. "The Edge. The only people who know where it is are the ones who have gone over." Hunter S Thompson.

The next morning, I awoke early. Mrs Evans was nowhere to be seen and I was glad. The previous night had been quiet, uneasy. She had spoken little, simply watched me and sewed at her dreary needle work. She did not leave the room to go down to get our supper, she had it brought up by one of the maids. I had no chance to speak with Bess, no chance to air my thoughts with my friend.

That I was alone was a relief. I fairly jumped out of bed, Bess was waiting in the full length mirror of my wardrobe. I rifled through my clothes as I poured out my frustration to her. She was nearly as unhappy as I was, although she had got used to being alone, the company had been welcome to her. We kept our voices low, discussing what we could do. If that woman stayed with me all the time, there could be no way to communicate. We would maybe be able to use the doll's house to talk, if I could work out how the magic somehow worked.

A creak in the corridor outside alerted us to my jailers presence. I hurriedly picked out a dark blue dress and began t pull it on over my petticoats. By the time Mrs Evans was inside I was carefully doing up the buttons of my dress and sitting down to put on my stockings. She was carrying my breakfast tray, which she placed on the table by the fire which had not yet been lit. I asked if she could have it prepared and she went out again. She was clearly not one for conversation.

I took a few mouthfuls of porridge and then went back to the window seat. I could knit and watch for Daniel. Might he come today? Bess reminded me to fain illness. I must seem to warrant it. So, when Mrs Evans returned with one of the maids to light the fire, I let myself lie faint at my work, complained of stomach pains and shifted restlessly. Mrs Evans stayed impassive but the maid came to me, offered a cushion for my sore back, to fetch me some hot tea for the cramps or perhaps the doctor? I nodded to all these, and she would have gone, had not Mrs Evans stopped her and said that I did not look as if a doctor were needed. The maid would not be beaten by an outsider however, she was the upper housemaid and she staunchly told Mrs Evans that she was going to have the doctor sent for. Master would be most displeased if anything were to happen and found out that she had stood and done nothing to prevent it.

She was back in a few minutes, with Mrs Levin, who attended me with hot tea while Mrs Evans sat and sewed and the maid prepared the fire. I was assured that the doctor would be sent for. Did I want to return to my bed? Perhaps some fresh air? I assured her it was simply pains and I should remain awake and vigilant. The hot tea was welcome and I was certain that the doctor would come soon.

Mrs Levin bad the maid to stay with me as that way, should anything occur, Mrs Evans might not be forced to leave me to summon help.

Once the fire was drawing nicely I asked the maid to help me with my work, the pattern was a complex one. She seemed happy to assist me, unlike Mrs Evans who sat composedly in her chair doing needlepoint. Having someone else there was a comfort, I felt unsure of Mrs Evans, for other reasons than the obvious. She did not seem much of a nurse, nor did she seem to have any nervousness about my supposedly being unwell. Was she truly a nurse? Or something else? The maid seemed happy to gossip with me, telling me of the paper that was being put up in the new rooms, of the furniture that had been ordered from London to fit them out and of the dresses that Mrs Eveleigh had delivered from town only the day before. I enjoyed this talk, I found that the discussion of the nursery no longer hurt me. There was no soul in there any more, it was just a room. I also noted that while I talked with Sarah, Mrs Evans's eyes were closely on me.

After an hour, that lady suggested that since I seemed no worse, Sarah should go downstairs again but I asked that the maid help me to dress my hair properly. I could not manage to put it up straight by myself. Sarah as willing and she proved a good hand with the brush, carefully braiding a wreath of hair about my crown then letting the rest fall, a look I had never tried before but which I loved. She seemed keen to draw out our time and so I asked her how the staff had liked their gifts on the day before. She gladly talked of how happy they had all been and how a toast to my health had been drunk at dinner that evening for my kindness. She herself had never had so fine a gift and she would treasure it for best all her life. I recalled what I had given her, a pearl bracelet with a gold clasp. It was not something a housemaid would generally be able to afford and I was also pleased to note that the servants all seemed to like me very well, even if my own family did not.

At this point Mrs Evans asked Sarah to go down and bring up a luncheon tray for us both. Some cold meat, bread and fruit would be best. I asked if she could perhaps ask for some broth also, the warmth would be welcome on my belly. Once Sarah was gone I came back to my seat at the window and picked up my work. I was just starting to knit again when Mrs Evans said, without looking up

"If you think that any servant will stop me from watching you, you obviously know nothing of me. I am not blind, my lady, and I will not allow you to pull the wool over my eyes." I contrived to look surprised but she looked up then and her eyes were hard blue marbles, cold and devoid of any warmth of feeling.

"I have been at my work many years, my lady, and no housemaid or any other servant will come between me and my charge. It is your husbands wish that you be watched and that you be made well. I am here to do it." I decided to speak out, since it was clear that she intended me to be frightened.

"You do not seem much of a nurse. You do not appear to be kind or know anything of tending the sick." A smile broke out on the woman's hatchet face, a grin without mirth.

"I know how to tend the sick. I know it all too well. It is not all kindness, my lady. It is sometimes a whip or a stick on the bars of a cage or a plunge into the cold water to rid the body of its sickness. I have worked as nurse for many years with the least of God's sick children, the mad and the wilful. Best make sure you do not give me cause to think you like them. You will miss your fine clothes and pretty things then, oh yes, you will."

Still smiling, she went back to her work. Sarah came in with a tray of food, I managed to swallow down the hot broth, thought the rest seemed too heavy for my stomach. No need now to pretend illness, I felt faint with distress and fear. Sarah cajoled me to take a little cold meat at least then removed the tray. Mrs Evans had eaten all her lunch, she seemed amused by my reaction to her, although her smile left her face, the glint in her eyes assured me that she felt it so.

I knitted and watched, the hours rolled by. It was four in the afternoon when I looked up along the drive and saw the doctor's dog cart approaching. I felt my pulse quicken, my heart begin to race. I put down my knitting and pulled my shawl closer about me. Mrs Evans looked out too. She made no comment until the knock on the door announced that the doctor were here to see me.

She unlocked it and admitted him and Mrs Levin. He bowed to her, then to me. He put down his bag and hat, asked after my health. When I described stomach pains he suggested an examination to be certain of no issues in the pelvis. The other two women stood near by while I unbuttoned my dress and let him feel over my stomach. He allowed that he was satisfied and then, once I was dressed, asked the other two to leave while he conversed with me confidentially. Mrs Levin went right away and fortunately Mrs Evans did too. I disliked the look in the woman's eyes however.

Once alone, Daniel leaned forward and asked what was truly going on. I quickly explained that my new 'nurse' was actually a wardress from an asylum, come to watch me for madness, I had no privacy and was becoming more worried by the moment. Daniel nodded. Our conversation was conducted in the quietest tones, both speaking quickly. He had news for me.

The lawyer had given him the keys and deed to the house in Cornwall, assuring him that it was ready for inhabitation. His advice was that I should leave with all possible speed, first writing to another lawyer he knew in Cornwall and asking that man to act for me. Our lawyer could not act for me himself, as the family lawyer, but he would give me advice in strict confidence.

Legally, the fact that I was being detained against my will was a crime and one which could be set right easily, and which would be set right by the next morning. The doctor would report to the town policeman that I was being locked up, the policeman would enforce the law and I might be at liberty to move around the house and gardens as I chose. However he could not force my husband to get rid of Mrs Evans. He had the right to chose my servants and so I must suffer her company a while longer. Once my freedom had been partially restored, we had two choices available. The first was to escape at night, through the park. The second was to escape during a visit to the town, perhaps using the excuse of needing to see the priest as my confessor. Daniel himself would drive me to the port and then I could travel by ship down to Cornwall. This was the safest route.

We would have to chose our escape method once I was free, and could see a way of getting out. Anna had already travelled to the port and had been put up in a respectable boarding house there to wait for me. She would meet me once I reached the port and travel on with me to the house. I must be aware that I could take little with me. A change or two of clothes, some few personal items and that was it. I must leave all else.

I was ready for that. I knew I could not bring much with me. Daniel smiled at me, trying to make me feel more confident of the future, I smiled back but my heart felt heavy. The oppression and terror of weeks had left me unable to feel at that moment. I told him exactly what Mrs Evans had said and his face grew dark.

"I cannot tell you how that worries me. I do not know the woman but I will make some enquires. Did she say where she has worked?"

"No but her accent is local enough, so she must be from the district. Are there many asylums in the country?" He thought a moment.

"Only three that I know of, in private ownership, and two pauper asylums but them are more work houses than asylums and would not be where she is from. I will look into it. Now we must hurry, I cannot stay long alone with you. I will be back in the next two days, we must give out that you require frequent examinations. Have courage and be brave, you will not suffer this for long, I promise."

We looked at each other with longing, I did not want him to leave me and could see the feeling reflected in him. He touched my hand and kissed it then the door opened and the housekeeper came back in, followed by Mrs Evans. The doctor said that I was well enough but he feared an expansion of the pelvis and so would return to make regular examinations and see that it cause no more than a little pain. He did not think medicine was necessary but he did advocate regular exercise to lessen the inflammation and ease the muscles.

Mrs Levin nodded, said she would bring me up some tea and showed him out, Mrs Evans came and sat back in her chair. I took up my knitting and sat back in the window seat with cushions to ease my spine. I saw the doctor leave the house and climb into his dog cart, I saw it drive off. Mrs Evans had taken up her needle work again but was watching like a hawk. I determined to learn more about her, what sort of person she was. One of the maids brought up a tea tray, curtseyed to me and left.

I poured out two cups of tea and offered one to Mrs Evans. She took it with a polite, if cold, thank you. I offered her a welsh cake and she accepted, I had noticed she seemed to have a great appetite despite her thin figure. I next asked her if she were a local woman.

No, she was from further off, towards the north of the country.

Had she been working long in her profession.

She smiled at this. Yes, twelve years now. She had been a widow since early in her marriage and obliged to take work. Her older sister had been an attendant in a private house and had made it possible for Mrs Evans to gain work at that establishment.

Had she any children?

None.

Any other family, besides her sister?

No, none. Her parents had been in the ground ten years, her younger brother killed in a mining accident when he was fifteen.

Did she have any plans to remarry or have a family herself?

Another smile. No, none. She had no reason to do either. Perhaps I should cease asking her questions and concentrate on my work. And with that Mrs Evans turned her head back to her needles. I turned back to the knitting in my lap and sighed bitterly. The woman would not even attempt to listen to me or give any information on herself. She was not interested in knowing me.

As if she realised what I was thinking, Mrs Evans leaned forward a slight amount and said this.

"You think you are so hard done by? Living in a warm house with lots to eat, clothes to wear, servants to bathe you and dress you? You think because I wont sit and talk that you are wretched? Not yet, my lady, not yet. Now listen to me, listen to me and the advice I give you. Sit quiet and do your work. Eat your food and dress nicely. When your husband comes to see you, you get down on your knees and you beg his forgiveness and you ask his pardon. You be the good wife he used to know and all this is over. You can have your babies and chose your own servants and live a long and happy life. Ignore my advice, be proud and unfeeling and wicked and see what happens then. I have seen a many like you, oh yes. I gave them advice like this and they did not listen but they repented in the end. When they were living in cells, in coarse gowns with their hair cut short and bound to live their lives with other such women, then they repented and asked me to help them but I never do. They had a chance and missed it. You have a chance and don't you miss it! Otherwise may heaven have mercy on you for no one else will."

And Mrs Evans shut up her mouth and went back to her work as composedly as if she had just told me the time.

I was unable to pretend I was not shaken. She was being utterly honest about what she was there for and what fate threatened me, it was impossible to ignore her. I must speak, I must!

"I have done nothing! Nothing!" She looked up and fairly laughed at me.

"Nothing, is it? Never screamed or cried or acted unwisely? Never caused your husband a moments worry? Never behaved so sweet and kind one day and then different the next?" Her face slid into a sly grin and she looked at me with eyes like mouths which licked their lips.

"Never written a letter to a gentleman or made eyes at one either? Never happened to kiss another man or be less than a lady with anyone? Nothing like that, I suppose, my lady? No? Well then I am sure you will be free in no time." And again back to her work. I wanted to be no where near the room. I got up and said I wanted to go into my craft room. I wanted a change of activity.

Without saying one word Mrs Evans got up, placed her work aside and came towards me. I backed up, against the wardrobe. Mrs Evans looked down at my work and stroked the soft wool.

"Beautiful work. So soft. So intricate. Like a spider web." Her hand kept stroking the shawl, so gently, I could hear the rasp of the threads under her hands and it was the only noise in the room.

Mrs Evans kept talking, her voice low and confidential, her eyes never leaving my face.

"Yes, like a spiders web, gossamer soft and delicate. Did you ever observe a spiders web, my lady? Utterly perfect, they are. And always different. Each a work of art. First the centre, a tightly woven network of interlinked silk, thick and warm. Rather like family, if you come to think of it. Family that is interwoven and strong. Next the patterns around the edge, becoming loser as they get further from the centre, like friendships and acquaintances. Perfect diamonds and other shapes, interwoven and intricate. Then single strands of thread that connect the web to the beams or rafters or walls. A work of genius, I think. Do not you, my lady?"

Her voice was a soothing sing song murmur, gentle and soft. Her hand stopped stroking the shawl. Now her eyes had a cruelty in them.

"Perhaps you are wondering why I like spiders webs, my lady? Why I have thought on them so much? Well, because I have had much opportunity to think on it and I believe it is because I and my fellow nurses are rather like spiders. We wait, silent and still. Not the prettiest creatures but we are useful. And we concoct perfect webs to catch the silly flies which get caught in them, and the more they struggle, the most lost they are."

Now she stepped up close to me. Her face was close to mine, her soft singsong voice right against my ear.

"So you may sweet talk me all you like, ask what you will but I will watch you like a good spider does and I will catch you, my little fly, in the web of your own making. And then you and I will have ample time to talk, when you are alone in your cell and are reduced to studying the webs growing in the corners of your dungeon."

At that she came so close I could not bare it and then she pulled away and walked to the door, unlocked it and stood waiting by it for me, her little smile on her face, as if nothing had happened.

"We will go into your work room, my lady. As you wished."

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