The Edge

The bright moon revealed two figures in the doorway. One was the tall lean shape of the doctor. The other was my dear maid, Anna! I gasped in relief. Anna came forward quickly, knelt at my feet.

"I could not leave without seeing you were alright. I needed to see you! Oh my lady, are you alright?" I thanked her, I was truly grateful. She had arranged to stay at the local inn for the night, she would stay downstairs in the folly while I and the doctor spoke up the top of the tower. He came forward now and helped me to rise. As I had asked, he had no lantern and was in dark clothing. His face was set and grim with worry. I guessed that Anna had probably told him something of my plight. I asked him to follow me up the stairs and we ascended, Anna taking my place on the bench at the bottom of the steps.

We did not speak until we were at the top. There the tower roof opened, in a circle, with stone battlements all about. A small stone bench, big enough for us both, was beside the wall opposite the steps. The battlements sheltered us from the wind and the moon over head gave us enough light to see each other.

The doctor let me sit then joined me. He spoke first, telling me that Anna had informed him I had been locked in to my room, that there was unrest in the house hold and that she had been given leave until I was well, although she thought there was no illness at all. My note had been worrying for him and this meeting, in such a place and at such a time, it hardly soothed his nerves. What could he do for me?

I poured it all out. I omitted nothing except for the parts concerning Bess and Stephen Bruce., I told him about how Michael had raped me, how we had grown apart and how his sister was setting him against me. About the footprints in the dust and their disappearance. About being spied on then locked up, about the conversation I had heard. I told how I was friendless and forbidden to see or speak to anyone. I told how I was forbidden to help the poor or the women's group. About Victoria and her family moving to the hall, their taking my son's place and how Victoria was with child, due to give birth a month before me. My fears for the future, my fears of being shut up, my only friend- Anna- being sent away from me and being watched day and night. Of my terror that I would have my child taken away.

The doctor sat quiet. His face was still and expressionless as I told my story. He did not move, asked no questions, he simply let me talk. When my words ran out, he sat quiet a moment longer, letting me catch my breath. When he did speak, it was to ask a question.

"My lady, I must ask you one thing before we go on. I want the truth and I give my word that I will not reveal your answer to anyone. On my sacred oath as a medical man, I swear it. Tell me the real nature of your relationship with the man Stephen Bruce." I felt my lungs contract before I could answer. Still the name had the power to hurt me.

"We were....we had...we were lovers." It sounded poor and small, tawdry. Dr Crowner said nothing a moment and then asked if we were still in touch. I felt a pang of shame at my foolishness.

"No. He and I...he is to be married soon. To a young woman he has known only a little time but who is rich, beautiful and accomplished. I know no more about her. I have not replied to his last letter and I do not mean to."

The doctor sighed.

"And he is the true father of the child you carry? Yes, I thought as much. Do not look shocked my lady, and do not fear. Your secret is safe and I am sure that your husband does not suspect he is not the father. Yet." I started. Yet?

"Yet. That sister of his may put the idea in his head but with no proof, he will hopefully disregard any thought of that sort. Until the child is born, I think you are safe on that score. Afterwards, if the babe has his father's colouring, it will not be noticed as it is similar to your own. Still, your fears on all counts are not groundless, I do believe you to be in some danger." He took my hands where they lay in my lap, chafed the fingers to warm them. His own hands were hot to touch, like fire on my chilled bones. He looked only at my hands, not at my face.

"You have played a dangerous game my lady. You have run such a terrible risk coming here at all. What do you think I can do for you?" I thought hard and told him.

"I think you can advise me on what to do. Perhaps you can advise my husband..."

"No. he will not listen to me in this, I doubt. His sister knows that we are friends and now your husband does too. He will not listen to me." I tried again.

"You could speak to the priest..." Again the doctor shook his head.

"No. For the same reason as before. The priest may be able to allow you some freedom but no more." I tried one last time.

"You could get me away from here." Now he looked me in the face. What did I mean?

"I own a house now. In Cornwall. It is by the sea, it is mine and mine only. I could leave Michael and live there. I would be free of him and Victoria and this place. I could live independently on my own money, if only I can get away. I know nothing of how to get away and I do not have the keys to the house. My lawyer does, you could get them to me, perhaps arrange travel or something. I could take Anna with me, I could be safe. I know it is crazy but I am truly repentant and all I want is to be free, to be able to live my life free." My breath was coming short and he shushed me, I let myself relax. I was shaking and he sat nearer me for warmth. His voice, when he spoke, was quiet and had some emotion in it which coloured it darker, I could not understand it.

"And if I can get you away, what then? Am I to let you ride off, never to think of you again?" I shook my head, confused. No, he must visit me. I would always want to see him. The doctor spoke again. Did I not realise that he would be implicated if I disappeared? That there were also legal proceedings to go through? Yes, I said, and I would go through them once I was away from Michael and safe from imprisonment. Now Dr Crowner had his head bent forward, away from me.

"Do you not understand my meaning, my lady?" I was confused, silent, I did not understand. His face lifted, his handsome face, its honest grey eyes like bright shadows in the moonlight.

He lent forward and kissed me on the mouth, lightly and softly, but with passion just under the surface. He sat back. Did I understand now? Was his meaning clear? I could not answer. My mind was suddenly blank, under that great open sky. I looked at the man who had helped deliver my son, who had been a friend for several years, who had been so kind to me in my miserable affliction and who had shown me the world around me without ever showing his feelings for me. Now he was sat close beside me, his hands holding mine. His lips were slightly parted and I could hear his breathing, his breath was sweet with mint that he chewed during the day.

His arms went up and around me, one about my waist, the other around my neck, pressing me closer. His lips, so soft. We kissed again, this time more tenderly, more lingeringly and then harder, passion overcoming us. Entwined, he pulled me into his lap, one hand caressing my round belly under my cloak, resting on it so tenderly and kindly, warmth flowing from his into me.

That kiss seemed to last forever. Our faces were so close, his bold eyes and the scent of his cologne, my scent of dark roses, the winter night air. All these elements made me giddy and I touched his cold cheeks, his hair, the back of his neck.

"After so long, I finally hold you, my little bird, my sweet brave bird. I may own that I care for you at last, that I have longed for you, loved you for so long. Oh my love, my love, my love! Oh Imogen!" He breathed the last words joyfully, with such happiness, it seemed impossible. I looked into his face, I had been fooled before, but his eyes reflected nothing but his emotions and his joy. I nearly sobbed with the fullness of my heart, it seemed a dream. He touched my cheek, my hair, he rubbed his hand over my round belly and the base of my back under my cloak.

Did I feel the same? Did I need time? He knew it was wrong, that now when I was vulnerable was the worst time but he could see me slipping away and he needed me so. Did I, could I have feelings for him? Could I love him?

"I can. I can, yes, yes, yes, I can! Oh this is insane, I know nothing about you, I do not even know your Christian name!"

He smiled, his sweet smile was balm to my troubled mind.

"My name is Daniel. Daniel Thomas Crowner. Does it please you?" I owned that it did. He held me closer, whispered in my ear.

"I will be your Daniel, my sweet lady Imogen. I will brave lions for you and I will take you away. Yes, I will save you. I will get you away, somehow. And when it is safe, I will follow you and be yours in truth." I shook with emotion, unable to stand it. In truth? What was he saying? He placed me on the bench and knelt at my feet. His hands took mine and he looked up into my face, simple and honest and wholly mine.

"I will love you until the end of time. I will stand by your side, I will raise your unborn child as my own and we will make other children to join him, our children. I will grown old beside you, I will wake up by your side every morning and I will fight every battle to prove myself worthy of your love. If you will have me? I will never take from you what you are not willing to give, I will never trap you like a canary in a cage. I will let you fly free, I will not be your jailer but your friend and confident, your lover and your greatest treasure. Will you have me? Will you give me the honour of keeping your heart and letting you keep mine in return?"

I could only nod like a doll, my throat had swelled with emotion. He offered me love, the love of a free man to a free woman, as equals. No contract or ownership, simply love and fidelity and a new life. I felt my soul changing, becoming lighter, becoming his. I could almost see our children, the house in Cornwall, being his wife, the two of us grown old and grey together. I felt tears on my face and he kissed them away as he knelt before me, kissing my face and neck, until he gently pulled me down into his arms on the floor of the folly.

Pillowing my stomach against his, he caressed me, held me in his arms and kissed me. He was crying too, I saw, his tears sweet salt on my lips. I licked one. He laughed and kissed me, helped me to my feet. He regretted it but we must go. It was past nine and I might be missed. The euphoria of love chilled a little in my fear. He saw my face and held me close for courage.

"Be brave, my little bird. Fly back to your nest and do not fear. I swear I shall come to you in the next two days, with news of our plan. I shall have Anna go to her parents to wait for news, she shall go with you when you go. Have courage. Now, be careful. Mind the steps, for the stone is slippery."

We went down together, his arms around my waist. When we reached the bottom, Anna was asleep on her bench. She woke up when I touched her shoulder. The doctor would explain all to her but I must go. She kissed my hand and went out first. Daniel kissed me one last time and we came out. The sky seemed even darker and now a mist was drawing in. They would escort me to the garden gate, it was not safe alone.

We three crossed the park. Despite the fog, we made good time and reached the gate in half an hour. The doctor pressed my hand and I slipped back into the garden. I heard them move away and soon lost the sound of their steps in the mist.

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