The Edge

Inside the doll's house! It was insane but the only explanation I could think of. This was no dream, no dream could be so utterly real. Gripped Bess's hands and we began to laugh wildly, as if given fresh air after so long in a dank cave. She was desperate to know how it had happened and I told her about receiving the doll's. She thought about it then asked about the other dolls, how many were there? We were struck by the same thought. If we were here, then who else was?

We went downstairs. We passed servants, who greeted us, as if we were sisters. Entering the library we found Michael who kissed me warmly and shook Bess's hand. The door opened and Lord Llewellyn entered, looking just as he had in life! He too greeted us and asked that we give them the room, they had business to discuss. We could do nothing but go out.

In the hall we heard the noises of horse outside. The butler opened the door and Rhiannon came in, dressed in her riding outfit, her hair blown loose from the wind and her cheeks flushed pink. She greeted us warmly and said she had just finished her morning ride. She would join us once she had changed then she walked upstairs to her rooms. We followed her at a distance. It was incredible but somehow I knew it was real. I was truly inside the dolls house and here Bess had a body of her own! The dead lived.

A sudden thought drowned me and I raced upstairs to where the nursery and school rooms were. On the landing was a tall curly haired boy who was accompanied by his pet wolfhound. I stopped dead in my tracks. There was no mistaking those hazel eyes and that smile. James, my son, walked up to me eagerly and held out his arms for a hug. I pressed him to me, my throat tight and my heart beating fast. It took every ounce of will to not begin to cry and frighten the boy.

“Mama, I want to go out and play in the snow. May I? I promise I will remain in the garden but the stable boys are going to have a snowball fight and I so want to join! Please say I can!” His eager voice, his bright smile and eyes, no mother could have said no. I revelled in saying yes and in telling him to remember his coat and scarf! He bounded forward and hugged me again then ran off towards his room. I was lost for words. Bess took my shoulders and drew me downstairs to the drawing room. We took a sofa and she clasped my hands in hers.

“This is real, is it not? I have not been mistaken?” she asked again. I nodded, still dumb with the delight and joy that coursed through me. My son was alive, my son was living and out playing in the snow! I had held him, I had seen his face and felt his warmth and his heart beat. I felt utter total tangible joy. My sweet son. My sweetest boy. Lord and Lady Llewellyn alive, well and hearty. Michael and I on good terms. It was a dream.

Giddy with delight I pulled Bess to her feet. I bid her come with me and get out outdoor things, we must go out into the snow! We raced each other up the stairs, got out warmest cloaks and boots, went outside into the white winter beauty of the gardens.

We walked along the path towards the gates and then saw where our dream world ended. Beyond the gates was swirling mist and darkness. We were contained within the doll's house but I cared nothing for that. I raced Bess back along the path, the two of us squealing like two school girls. We admired the house as it stood from the outside. I heard laughing and shouts from the stables and we went there, to find several stable boys, two of the grooms and some of the maids outside playing in the snow. My son was with them, laughing and helping to build a massive snowman. Catching sight of Bess and I, he raced over and pulled us both towards the group.

“Mama, Aunt Bess, help us to build this fellow! We have been trying to make him look like a man but his nose keeps falling off!” The snow head was indeed crumbling a little! I told one of the maids to go inside and fetch one of my old scarves, some coals and a carrot or two. We then used the carrot for the nose and coals to make eyes and mouth. The scarf was knotted about the snow neck, and so we had a completed man!

James and the others were pleased with our efforts, but the servants had to go back to work, with Cook calling from the kitchen door and the grooms calling the boys in. Bess and I took James inside and up to his bedroom. He was apple cheeked from the cold but in excellent spirits. He changed his clothes for they were wet from the melted snow and then we all went down to the drawing room for hot spiced wine. James petitioned to have a whole glass and I indulged him, I would have given him anything he asked. Michael and his father entered and James instantly jumped up and served them wine, asking if they thought the snow would last and eager to tell his father about our afternoon activities. Michael too indulged his son then asked him if he would sit and play at chess with his grandfather, he and I had something to see to. Bess sat beside the two at the chess board, winking to me to follow. For her, the joy of being able to sit and talk with her long lost grandson and her great great grandson was a true pleasure.

Michael drew me outside and took me into the library. He covered my eyes at the door and walked me in, the two of us laughing as we stuck in the door frame. Once inside I was allowed to regain my sight and found that what had actually been going on that afternoon was the decorating of the house. In the library were garlands of red and green and white, holly and ivy and a bowl of oranges stuck with cloves and giving off a spicy fragrance. Outside in the great hall was an enormous tree, tall and fine, decorated with more coloured garlands and candles, little decorations made from glass and coloured tin, doves and angels and soldiers, each beautifully wrought. The dining room was also decorated, the stair cases had been wrapped with red and green streamers and the air smelt of spices and fresh pine needles. I clapped my hands at the beauty of the house all lit up for Christmas. Michael looked proudly round and then asked if I would assist him to carry down the presents to the tree.

In the library were three baskets filled with wrapped gifts, for the staff and the family. We carried these out and arranged them under the tree. The clocks struck half four and then there was a rush of wheels heard outside.

Lord and Lady Llewellyn came out, followed by James. Michael and I went with them and into the hall poured Victoria and her family. Greetings were called, everyone was all smiles and enquiry about their journey. Shedding the coats and outdoor garments we all went back to the sitting room, for a cup of tea before I took our guests up to their rooms. The boys followed, James talking excitedly with his cousins about whether they might be allowed to stay up late as it was Christmas eve. Victoria and I smiled and laughed at them, both winking at each other in agreement that they would be allowed to stay up. She was all warmth and good humour, whispering to me that she had brought presents for the boys stockings which we would place later on over the bannisters.

Back downstairs we had talk aplenty, we women discussing everything and the boys plying themselves with mince tarts until we chased them into the hall where they ran about the tree and talked of nothing but presents and then perhaps a midnight snowball fight.

We went in to dine at six, the table was a delight, with candles burning everywhere and the warm spiced smell of oranges and cloves and good food wafting about. Roast beef, apple and cinnamon tart with cream, fruit and cheeses. The boys were allowed to sit up and drink wine with the meal. After dinner we retired to the sitting room together and I sat at the piano, playing carols while the family crowded around and sung together. Some of the servants were gathered at the door to listen and sing with us and the room was filled with merriment.

Later we went into the chapel, all of us, servants and family alike. Lord Robert said a Christmas eve mass, we sung and lit candles then poured out into the snow where the boys ran about in the dark throwing icy missals at each other. Back in the house we gave each servant a glass of spiced wine, asked them to celebrate with us, this magical time of the year. The boys were packed off to bed with threats against coming out of their rooms before morning. Lord and Lady Llewellyn retired for the night and while Michael and Victoria's husband set the house to rights, we women filled out our sons stockings with oranges and sugar mice and some stuffed animals, fruit and nuts, sugared plums and a nut cracker each.

In bed, Michael and I made love, with more happiness in the deed than I could ever remember. I slept happy dreams, half expecting to awake in my reality world but no! We woke and it was Christmas morning, Michael at my side.

The boys were out on the landing, calling to us to come and see what they had been brought in the night. After dressing we breakfasted and went to chapel for the Christmas day service. Then back inside to give out the presents. No one was forgotten. The maids had warm shawls and new dresses, the footmen had new shirts and pouches of tobacco. The boys crowed with delight at finding toy soldiers, new clothes and books in their presents and each of us adults had a gift or two as well.

Christmas dinner was served with joy and much merriment, James ate three plates of turkey and vegetables and I indulgently allowed him to. After dinner I retired to my bedroom for a rest. Lying on my bed, I thought of all the wonder that was here. I felt joy and contentment, all I had ever wanted. I closed my eyes and fell into a happy sleep.

When I awoke Anna was shaking my shoulder. Nurse Ruth stood in the doorway. The doll's house was on the table before me, I was back in the craft room. I had fallen asleep, would I care to take supper? I was still weak on my feet, I had to be helped into my bedroom, Bess's old bedroom. Inside I refused supper, disappointment rendering my appetite gone. The happy family, the wonderful golden time had all been a dream. My son was not playing in the snow with his cousins, he was dead in his grave. I slumped into bed, asked to be left alone. Tears coursed down my cheeks at the sorrow of finding it all a fantasy.

A noise from across the room diverted me. I went across and saw Bess reflected in the dressing table mirror. Her eyes too were bright with tears.

“Did we dream it? Was it all just a dream?” She asked. I sat a moment then made up my mind, a realisation flowing through me.

“No, we did not! We were in the doll's house together. It has come to life to give us a second chance at happiness! Oh Bess, the joy of that time! Was it as good for you?”

Bess smiled and a tear slipped down her cheek as her eyes shone.

“Imogen, I have never in my life felt so happy.”