The Edge

The argument that had been brewing between my husband and his sister finally broke a storm over the house the next day. Michael had gone out as usual to the mines, he wished to address the workers and reassure them that their jobs were safe, that he had taken on his father's role and so on. Because we had company I sat downstairs to breakfast, with Victoria and her husband. I made what small talk I could with Thomas Everleigh, his wife sat silently eating her toast and marmalade. Food appeared to matter greatly to them both, In the year since I had seen her last, Victoria had gained a lot of weight around her middle.

After breakfast I announced my intention of going to the morning room to speak with Mrs Levin and then answer letters of condolence. Victoria pursed her lips at this but said nothing. Her husband said he would make free with our library and went thither. I left my sister in law at the breakfast table and went to the morning room.

Mrs Levin and I discussed the meals for the week and various other matters related to the funeral and such. The late Lord Robert's valet had been with him since before he married and I wished to give him an handsome present for his lifetime, as a mark of respect to his good service. We discussed the present, an amount I had agreed with Michael and I assured Mrs Levin that I would speak with Giles myself. He had a wish to stay in the area, having no family and no knowledge of other parts of the country so I would speak with Michael to ask if he might be gifted with a cottage on the estate.

As Mrs Levin rose to go, Victoria entered. The housekeeper curtseyed to her and to me, said “my lady” and went out. As the door clicked shut all of Victoria's pent up anger vented itself on me. She screamed, positively screamed, that I was a jumped up little madam who was taking her mother's place and that my husband was a fool for letting me, that this house should be hers and that her father should have left her more money were it not for me and mine being so much in his way. Her face went quite pink, except for the freckles. I decided to try to keep my temper, bickering was unladylike-like and besides, I had never argued with a soul in my life. The butler looked in and asked if I needed anything. Victoria's tirade had obviously been heard all over the house.

I asked if he would be kind enough to bring us some tea. Victoria sat in mute fury on the sofa and picked up her needle work, I turned to the desk and re arranged the pens for something to do. The butler re entered with tea and then presented me with the post.

When he had gone I began to open it, mostly letters of condolence. Victoria came up behind me and read over my shoulder. I could feel that she was not quite done with shouting and took a sip of tea.

Sure enough, she began again, more quietly but with vehemence. How dared I named myself Lady Llewellyn? I was nothing to the family. And how dared I to presume, in her family home, to act as if she were simply a guest? It was her home, her family, her father dead and yet I dared to take what was hers. I could not follow her logic and said so. She pointed at my hand with the new ring on and spat poison at me.

“That belongs to my mother! I have seen it worn by her often! And you have it! You stole it, I will warrant!” I became hot under the collar myself. I practised what I meant to preach and told her levelly that her mother had given it to me as a gift. This seemed to make matters worse.

“A gift! Yes, from an old woman who has no idea what she is doing! I saw you yesterday, making great eyes at her as if you were so sweet and kind. You simper and fawn over her to get her to give you things. That ring is valuable! It had great value to me as it was my mothers, it should not belong to you!”

At this point her husband came in. He quickly took her by the arm and walked her out. I was left seething. Five minutes later the butler came back in and told me that Mr Everleigh gave me his compliments and said he was taking his wife out for some air. She was overwrought with grief and meant no harm.

I sat back down, answering letters automatically. I felt disgusted. I felt angry and shamed. I knew I had done nothing wrong but the accusation still bit. I was more daughter to Rhiannon that Victoria and I had been given the ring as a kind gift. Now my pleasure in it was being eroded. Eroded by a cold hearted mercenary woman. I decided I would keep busy. I finished the letters and had them sent to the post. I went down to the kitchens and spoke with the staff there. I saw Mr Giles, Lord Robert's valet and assured him that I and Lord Llewellyn would do all we could for him. The old man was of an age with his late master and had been truly fond of him. He was quite broken up over everything and I sat with him a while, giving him a chance to speak of Lord Robert. In doing so I learnt some interesting facts.

Lord Robert had disapproved of his daughters marriage. She had asked to go away to boarding school after her mothers accident. She had spent large amounts of the holidays with friends and made it clear that she disliked her home because she found it boring and without much merit. She met her future husband at a ball given by a school friends parents. He was ten years her senior, rich and had already inherited a large estate in Norfolk. He proposed to her and she accepted without consulting her father. Lord Robert had allowed the marriage to go ahead as he had felt he could not give a refusal. The man was from a good family, sincere in his affection. They wed a month after Victoria's sixteenth birthday. From that day forward Victoria had only come back to her parents house twice. Once for my son's christening and once for her father's funeral. She seldom wrote. The wedding had been in London and because of the journey Rhiannon had been unable to attend the event.

All in all she was considered selfish, unfeeling and heartless by her father. Thus, he had made his will so that she got a mere pittance of the inheritance she was expecting. The lump sum of ten thousand, along with her income of four thousand was half of what she had probably been expecting. Giles told me he had heard of her behaviour to me earlier on. He wished to tell me that Lord Robert regarded me in the highest of esteem. He had thought of me as a daughter. I had to stop him then, my eyes were starting to blink back tears. Promising to speak with him soon I left him and had to have luncheon with my in-laws.

Lunch was worse than breakfast. I was not hungry but could hardly let my guests eat alone. Victoria was icy and her husband overly jovial to make up for his wife. I was attempting to raise energy for conversation when Mrs Levin entered and asked if I could attend to something. I rose with alacrity and excused myself.

I got out to the hall and found that some people from the village had arrived, wishing to ask permission to have a commemorative plaque put up in the church in honour of his late Lordship. I said that they much talk with my husband but that I was sure he would welcome that thought of theirs and would be in touch directly. There were more letters to answer and once this was done I sought my guests.

My brother in law was seated in the library, smoking and reading. His wife was nowhere to be seen. I walked upstairs, since it was raining I was sure Victoria was not outside. I thought she might possibly be with her sons but as I passed the door of the study I saw it was ajar. Going in I found my errant sister in law. She was rummaging through some documents on the desk. Whirling round as I entered she looked guilty and also pleased. She held up a piece of paper. It was Stephen's bill.

“I knew it! I knew you were taking money for ridiculous things! What is this, a doll's house for a non existent child? You are a piece of work! What did you really use the money for, hmmmm?” She looked so aggressive that it took all my composure to speak to her.

“It was for the restoration of a family heirloom, a doll's house built by your great grandmother. This repair was sanctioned by your father and approved of by him. There is no secret.” The woman was unstoppable. With a hissed 'we shall see' she pushed past me and ran downstairs. I decided I had taken enough of insults for the day. I went up to my craft room, fetched the key to Elizabeth's room and went in. I dropped into the window seat and leant my head against the cool glass. I had never spoken out loud since I was a child but right now, I almost felt as though I were not alone. Elizabeth's presence was all around me. I spoke to her.

“Your great granddaughter is impossible. She is an avaricious heartless shrew and a bully. Her husband does not know how to check her, it's a wonder her sons are so well behaved.” I looked about me. I was so peaceful in this room. I loved it. I loved its exotic nature. Elizabeth had pinned massive feathers over her mirror I noticed.

The bed was slightly rumpled. I went to it and buried my face in the pillows. They still smelt slightly of Stephen, his male fragrance of wood and musk. Longing overwhelmed me. I was Lady Llewellyn, yes but I no longer had any feeling for my husband. He was my friend but not my lover. My beloved was in London, he had left me and would not return. I rolled over. Well, what if he had? He was nothing to me. I needed nothing from him.

I sat up. I did need something from him! I got up and went to the writing desk and started a letter. In it I described Victoria and her husband. I then asked him to make dolls for them, and for the priest. I also asked him to make a doll of Elizabeth. I had an idea. It was a crazy idea but it just might prove interesting!

I took the letter downstairs, carefully locking the door to Elizabeth's room. I gave the letter in to be posted and then went up to Rhiannon's room with James. She took my hand with the ring on it and admired it. As if it grew there, she said. Just as I was passing her a cup of tea the door opened. Victoria, her husband and sons all entered. The room was suddenly full of people. Victoria, with her eyes bright, said that she wished to join her mother for tea. The nurse looked as worried as the little boys, she tried to say that too much company was not good for her charge but Victoria silenced her by saying that if my son was there, so should hers be. She insisted on her boys sitting beside Rhiannon's day bed, herself perching in the window seat. Her husband stood beside the fire before excusing himself, he was sorry but he had something to take care of.

Rhiannon became quiet, sipping her tea. James began to snuffle, the atmosphere was upsetting him. As I picked him up to comfort him, Victoria suggested silkily that he should go back to the nursery. Unwilling to have my son used as a weapon I took him there and when I got back the nurse was outside the sitting room door. She looked really worried and ashamed.

“I am afraid that Mrs Everleigh has asked that she be given time alone with her mother, my lady. I am to ask that you do not come back in.” I reassured her that I would not force a confrontation but that she should sit near Rhiannon and ask them to leave if she showed signs of being unwell. At this point I could see nothing to do but go outside.

I walked up the hill as I had with Stephen so many weeks ago. I then screamed into the wind as I had done before. Once done, I walked back, arriving at the house drenched to the skin just as Michael arrived home. He took one look and hurried me in, calling for Anna to run my bath. Why had I gone out alone, in such weather? I could catch cold!

The warm bath was welcome, it soothed my jangled nerves. When it came to dressing for dinner I still wore black but added my gold cross to my outfit. It went well with my new ring.

In the dining room Victoria ignored me and spoke only with the men. She ate steadily and when we ladies rose to let the gentlemen have their brandy she intentionally walked ahead of me out of the room. In the sitting room she ostentatiously sat at the piano and played, not well but she seemed intent on making me angry and taking my place seemed to be her method. I picked up a book and read. With concentration I became engrossed and soon she ceased playing, apparently irritated by my lack of reaction. She took up her needle work and hummed tunelessly to herself. When the men entered she asked to join their card game, constantly glancing across at me as I sat on the sofa, clearly preening on having me as the odd one out. When I rose to go to bed, her husband opened the door for me and I heard her ask Michael if she might speak with him privately. She and her family were due to leave in the morning.

I went upstairs feeling an oppression that was nauseating. My head was starting to ache and I asked Anna to fetch my medicine chest. Cooling ointment applied, I got into bed. I waited for a while but Michael did not come up. I reached for the bottle of drops. Tonight seemed a good time to take them. I deliberately took twice as many as usual. I wanted to be completely asleep when Michael came in. Within half an hour I was out cold.

In the morning my headache was gone but I still felt giddy and fuzzy. I sent my excuses and breakfasted in my room. I felt starving and ate two large bowls of porridge with honey. I had bid Anna to bring bread instead of toast and I made this at the fireside, buttered it liberally and spread it with honey. The sweet sticky toast was heavenly and I called for more. I found the energy to get into my dress, to have Anna do my hair. Then I went downstairs.

Michael had not gone to the mine as usual, he wished to see his sister and her family off. They were finishing breakfast and I met them in the hall. Their luggage was being put onto the carriage. The little boys said goodbye politely to me and Michael, their father was equally affable but Victoria barely touched my fingertips to shake hands. Once they were gone Michael asked me to kindly step into the morning room. He needed to speak with me before he went about his business. My headache returned and lodged around my temples. I followed him into the room, took a seat and waited.

“Wife, I must ask some questions which are not....that is, they are not...I have had some talk with my sister. You were asleep when I came in and I did not want to wake you but she was concerned about a few things.” I stayed quiet. I had known that something like this was coming. Michael came and sat beside me.

“I know that she happened across a bill of my fathers, for the work Mr Bruce did. She asked about the project, I took her up to see the doll's house and we found the dolls that you had made. On the way out she happened to knock over your work basket. Why is there a doll depicting Mr Bruce in there Imogen?”

I think right there my heart skipped a beat. I had not known she would be so devious.

“That was a foolish fancy of mine. I laughingly made it so that it could sit with your father and yourself in the library. I wanted to make other guests too. As it happened the doll was never finished and then your father passed away. I was going to destroy the doll but I have not yet had time. It was a passing whim.” Michael looked doubtful but clearly could think of nothing to say to this. My face was calm and I deliberately made myself look him in the eye. There was more coming, I could feel it.

“Imogen, I know that my sister and you had words yesterday. Over that ring you are wearing. She was quite offended that you took it when it should have been given to her, as my sister, rather than you.” Now I could defend myself properly!

“Husband, your mother gave this to me as a gift. It was hers to give. I can understand her feelings but if her mother chose to give it to me then she has no reason to complain.”

“My mother is a sick old woman! She doesn't know what she is doing! She has scarcely seen Victoria in years. I rather think you should have given it to my sister.” Now I felt really angry. I stood up and he followed.

“Now listen to me Michael. Your mother is not out of her wits nor is she incapable of decided her own will. If she chooses to give me a gift then it is not for you or anyone else to complain of it. As for Victoria's absence, that was chosen by Victoria. If she had actually bothered to spend any time with her mother since she was a girl, perhaps things might be different but as they are, she has been decidedly unfeeling.” Now Michael was angry too. I explained that I was repeating the view of his own father, omitting that I had heard it second hand. Michael checked a little but then told me I should not criticise his sister. I noted that he seemed to have given no thought to my feelings or his mothers and became reckless.

“Your sister is a selfish mercenary shrew who cares for nothing but money! Her family are nothing to her. I care deeply about your mother, I spend time with her each day. I do not attempt to bully her or overwhelm her or trick her into giving me things. First you ask about some silly doll then you repeat the words of someone not fit to cross the threshold of this house! As your wife and mother of your child, I think I am entitled to better treatment! I was gifted this ring, I shall keep this ring. I shall take no more abuse at the hands of your sister or any other woman. I must refuse to hear any more of this subject!” And so saying I swept out of the room before an astonished Michael could recover the shock of my raising my voice, let alone speaking of his sister so.

I walked quickly upstairs and turned up to the craft room. I went to my work basket and took out the doll. I threw it into a corner of the room. I marched up and down, feeling myself grown hot with anger. I heard a tread on the stairs and Michael came in. He looked flushed also. He held out his hand and I took it.

“I apologise Imogen. This has been a trying time. I am exhausted by it all. You are right about Victoria, I know what my father thought of her. I simply allowed her to talk her way around me. I am sorry. You keep this ring. I meant no offence. You have been a good wife to me and I will endeavour to treat you better.” As I stood all astonishment he sat onto my usual seat. His bowed curly head entreated my sympathy. I knelt before him, took his face in my hands and kissed his forehead, as if he were my little boy and not my husband. My anger evaporated. He smiled a little at me and spoke again.

“I have felt sometimes recently that you no longer cared for me. That you were turning from me and I could not understand why. Then when I found this doll I am afraid I felt jealous. Victoria put the thought in my head that perhaps you and Mr Bruce...” I shook my head at him.

“How could you think so? It has been a trying time, as you have said. But look, here is your doll and our son, and me! Are these in my work basket, no! They are in the house, being used. There is some little work to do but they are present. It is simple folly Michael. I think you are overtired, grieving. Perhaps you should take some time to yourself.” He raised his head at that. A new look came over his face. He pulled me to my feet and took me to his embrace.

“Perhaps you should take some time with me.” Then he kissed me. He would not be denied I could see but I protested that it was not seemly to go to bed in the daytime. He persisted, he was Lord Llewellyn and he wanted his wife in his bed.

So we went below and I lay with him. I found some little tenderness for him, some passion. But the feelings from before were gone. They were still with Stephen. I had never before considered myself an actor but I acted then. Afterwards he rose and said he would go to the mines, he had some business to do. He would see me at dinner.

I dressed and went to see Rhiannon. She was remote and distant for a time but then she mentioned the events of the day before. As I had supposed, Victoria had spoken of my ring and of monitory matters. She had sent the boys away after I had gone. I actually thought I detected tears in her eyes. She looked me full in the face at last.

“Do not you ever give that ring to her, you understand? Until yesterday I could make excuses for her. That was until I was presented with proof of how she really is. I want her to have nothing of mine. She is no true daughter of mine.” Her eyes grew bright with the unshed tears but her voice was still strong if low.

“Can you think of how hard it is to say this? How it is to say that you are disappointed in your child? I hope you cannot imagine. From now on, she is nothing to me! I cast her out of my heart for she has never kept me in hers. You are my only daughter.” Tears slipped from her lashes and she pulled me close, whispering in my ear.

“You are my only true friend. And I am grateful for you. I bless the day you came to this house. I will stand your friend always. Come what may, you are my daughter. I know that of all the world you will never fail me.”