The Edge

I stared down at my father in law's prone body. The eyes did not blink nor could I see any movement. Stephen Bruce was beside him and I tried my best to walk down towards him but I was frozen. I could not take my eyes from Lord Robert. As I stared at the widening red pool, Stephen reached me and carried me back into the craft room. He was talking to me, his lips were moving but I could hear nothing, just silence rushing in my ears. A stinging slap brought me out of my daze.

“Imogen, he is not dead! We must act quickly. No one appears to have heard his fall, we must move fast.”

I nodded like a doll. I remembered that the stair carpet was loose. I had asked for it to be fixed but it had not yet been done. I told Stephen this, my throat tight. He ran out of the room. I heard a tugging and ripping. Then he came back.

“I will discover him. Stay here until you hear the commotion then come out, see him and scream. Be hysterical.” Then Stephen was gone. Moments later I heard his shout for help, I came out and on seeing him cradling my father in law's head, his trousers bloodied and the thick red pool beside Lord Robert, it was not difficult to scream and scream and scream.

Servants appeared from everywhere, Jones took charge, calling for people to go for the doctor, for Lord Robert's valet and the foot men to help. Mrs Levin arrived with her medicine chest, staunching the bleeding. Anna came and took me back to the craft room, brought me brandy and water, sat with me. It seemed an age while there was a loud debate over whether they should move his Lordship. Eventually six footmen carefully arranged a stretcher of blankets and then carried Lord Robert to his bedroom.

Mrs Levin came upstairs and on seeing me, I heard her call for one of the housemen. He came and carried me back to my bedchamber, Mrs Levin following. She was giving orders for the hall carpet to be taken up, the blood to be cleaned away. In my bedchamber, she brought me her smelling bottle and with this and some more brandy and water, I revived enough to react and speak. Mrs Levin asked me what had happened and it was so easy to say that I had heard a noise, that Mr Bruce had gone to investigate and that I had come running when I heard him call for help and seen Lord Robert......

I burst into tears, it took no effort. My face was red and puffy from being slapped but the others took it for weeping and stress. I was shaking uncontrollably, I could make no sense of anything. I heard horses in the yard, Mrs Levin went to the window. It was the doctor, she ran off to receive him leaving Anna to stroke my hands and calm me. She brought the medicine the doctor had left and made me take some. I still shook. She then brought the sleeping drops and gave me some in a glass of water.

The world seemed to recede, I became dreamy and more relaxed. I stopped shaking. Anna tried to make conversation but all we could hear was men running up and down, calls from below for cloths, hot water, a messenger to go to the Mine and fetch Michael. I stayed where I was, in the window seat, looking out. There was a knock at the door and Stephen Bruce entered. He bowed to Anna and me, came forward and gravely told us that Lord Robert still lived, that his head wound was dressed but that the doctor would remain in the house as the situation was serious. The stair carpet had been examined and discovered to be loose. Lord Robert must have slipped and fallen, hitting his head on the small table that stood at the bottom of the stairs. He was yet unconscious but the bleeding had been stopped. He would come again when there was more news.

When he had gone out, I turned back to the window. I felt all in a dream. Shapes passed in the mist outside the window. People's faces. Lord Richard, Elizabeth, Lady Rhiannon, my son and my husband, Stephen's pale face. I could concentrate on nothing but that nothingness was comfortable compared with my racing thoughts of before.

Michael and one of the grooms galloped into the yard, I heard the doors open and more noise from downstairs.

After half an hour, Michael entered. He went to me and embraced me tightly. Was I aright? Shocked? That was all, thank God, thank God I had not been harmed myself by slipping. Had I been told Lord Robert's condition? I had seen him! He would fetch the doctor to see me. Was I sure I was aright? Did I truly not want the doctor? I was a dear girl, full of worry for his father! Perhaps I should sleep? Some fresh air? He must remain with his father but he did not want to leave me alone with Anna. His mother? No, she had not been told. Would I go to her, sit with her? It would calm him greatly if he knew I was with her, that way I would not be alone. Tell her of the accident? No, not yet. She must not be upset. He must go to his father, would Anna take me to his mother?

He left, running to his father's rooms. Anna supported me and took me downstairs to Lady Rhiannon's sitting room. She was sitting up in her bed, staring at the carvings on the ceiling. When I came in, she bad me sit close by her and Anna joined the nurse by the fire. Thus able to talk privately, her Ladyship told me that she had heard the commotion. She knew someone was hurt. Was it her husband or her son?

Carefully I told her that Lord Robert had fallen and hit his head. He was unconscious and the doctor was attending him. Rhiannon seemed calm. She asked how it had happened. I told her he had slipped. She noticed me starting tot shake again and called for the nurse to fetch hot spiced wine with a little brandy in it. I was in a state of shock. Anna brought my smelling salts, I took them. The nurse went for the spiced wine, Rhiannon ordered Anna to open the window a little. I needed some fresh air. No, she was well wrapped up, do as she asked.

The nurse returned from the kitchen with the jug and heated it before the fire. She gave both me and her Ladyship and glass. I sipped at mine, the spices warmed me. Her Ladyship ordered Anna to take some too, she had also had a shock. At a time like this, it was not impolite to take a drink with her mistress.

We all sat there, sipping our wine and listening to the noises from along the corridor. After a time, Lady Rhiannon asked the nurse to read to us from her bible. The woman started at the book of Matthew and read steadily, the old words giving us comfort and peace. There was a soft knock at the door.

Michael came in. He was without his jacket, he looked very tired and strained. I went to him, told him that his mother knew there had been an accident. Yes, she seemed quite calm and well.

It was touching to see him go to his mother's side. He knelt beside her, took her hand and quietly told her that Lord Robert was seriously injured. The doctor had said that if Lord Robert survived the night then he could perhaps recover. He was as yet unconscious. If he could come round then there was hope.

His mother listened to him quietly then asked if she might see her husband. Michael looked as if he would say no right away but seemed to think better of it. He arranged for his mother to be carried to the bedside of his husband.

With me following her, Lady Rhiannon entered Lord Robert's room. He was in his bed, covered up though he had clearly been changed and was in his nightshirt. His eyes were closed and his head was bandaged. His chest barely moved with his breathing. The doctor stooped and spoke with her Ladyship. It was clearly grave news.

“Madam, I have seen worse wounds but I believe your husband's brain has begun to swell. I am doing what I can to alleviate the pressure and I must hope that he can wake and possible recover. But tonight will be the telling time. If he sleeps through the night and wakes tomorrow, there is hope. Your husband is in the hands of God now. I can do no more until he wakes. I will of course stay here until that time. Meanwhile you should prepare yourself.” And the doctor went away and drew me with him as her Ladyship calmly sat beside the husband who had loved her and who I had helped to place in this awful way, she sat there and calmly said a prayer and a blessing for her husband. Then she asked to go back to her room.

I went too. I would stay with her during the night. Anna sat on a stool beside the nurse. They sewed then slept later. As I held Rhiannon's hand, the hours became later and then she too dropped into slumber. I heard the clock's strike two then three and four. Around then, I fell asleep. I awoke to the nurse remaking the fire around six. I told her I would go to my room and bathe, eat breakfast then return. Had there been any news? No, none. Lord Robert still lived, he was yet asleep.

I woke Anna, told her to go and look after her personal needs, to go to the kitchen and eat. She could then bring me some breakfast. I went to my own room. I undressed, I was still in the dress I had work the day before. I took it off, along with every stitch I had on. I ran my own bath and got in, floated for a while in the hot water. I scrubbed myself until my skin turned pink. Then I got out and dried myself. I looked blankly at my clothes until I settled on a quiet grey dress, with plain white lace at the collar and cuffs. I re plaited my hair into a simple style. I wore no jewellery except my wedding ring. On impulse I took out the beautiful gold cross I had been given at my confirmation.

My mother had given it to me on my confirmation day when I was twelve. She had made my dress for that occasion herself and I still had it, kept for my own daughter. The cross was of old reddish gold and was set with garnet stones. It was a lovely thing but I often thought it too good for every day wear. At that moment though, I wanted the feeling of strength it brought me, a talisman. It had been my mothers and before that, my grandmothers and my great grandmothers. I knew it was a Celtic cross in style. It had been bought in Ireland. I suddenly wanted my mother like I had not wanted her in so long. I wanted to run to her, bury my head on her knee, have her stroke my hair and tell me all would be well.

A hand timidly touched my elbow. It was Anna. She silently handed me a handkerchief. I had been crying without realising it. I forced myself to eat the porridge she had brought. I stirred honey in, a comforting thing I sometimes did. I topped it with brown sugar. I made myself eat the whole bowl. I needed to take care of the maybe-child inside me.

Anna told me that my son wanted me, had missed me the day before. I went to his room and found him greatly distressed by the commotion the day before and by my not visiting. I took him on my lap and soothed him, rocking him and singing little nonsense rhymes to him. His little round cheeks and dimpled hands were so dear to me that it brought back Lord Robert's word of the day before. Never see him again! I held him tight, was crying afresh and my boy started to wail likewise, with distress at seeing me so. I made myself stop, for his sake. I helped the nurse to bathe him, something I rarely had time to do. I kissed him little forehead and played with his toys, telling him made up story's about elephants. I asked for his nurse to fetch him some bread and honey, fed him myself and then settled him down to nap. He had been up crying most of the night.

Once he was asleep, I stayed for a while. His chestnut curls. His perfect hands with their tiny nails. He was s handsome, so sweet and angelic. Such a merry boy always. He made me stronger. I could not loose him.

I went back to Lady Rhiannon. She was quiet and grave, I read to her for as long as she would listen and then played cards with her and her nurse. We all spoke about nonsense in order to not think of Lord Robert.

Before teatime I went to see how he was. Michael was in his father's study. He had clearly not slept. He reached for me and I went, holding him more tenderly than I had before. He quietly told me that his father was still unconscious. The doctor was worried. He had sent for a specialist from London. A nurse had arrived already and was relieving the doctor so he could make his rounds but he would be back in the evening. Dr Crowner had already said that he thought that should his father recover, there would be a significant damage to his brain, his memory and his reason. Was his mother in health? And James? Was I in health? He worried for me. I was not to sleep in his mothers room again, it was bad for me and the child. He would sleep there too, he had need of my comfort. Yes, Stephen Bruce was here still. He had been working on the last of the doll's house but he rather thought he had gone out.

I fetched my bonnet and cloak and went out. I walked around the gardens but there was no one there. I walked to the front of the house then into the chapel. It was empty. I sat at the alter rail and knelt, I intended to pray but knew not what for.

Stephen sat next to me. He looked drawn and exhausted. Standing in front of the alter he helped me to rise. He tried to make me sit down in one of the pews but I would not have it. I stood and paced a little then turned to him, still standing at the alter.

“How did my father come to fall?” The words were jerked out of me.

“He slipped. The carpet was loose. I tried to catch hold of him as he fell but I missed.” He didn't look at me. I felt a prick of fear.

“I heard a scuffle, are you sure he slipped? I could have sworn...”

Now Stephen was up and grasping my shoulders.

“Now listen to me! You heard him slip and fall. I did nothing, you did nothing. We are blameless in this. Stick to what I told you, all will be well.”

“All will be well? And we did nothing? We did everything! If we had not been so wrapped up in each other, we would have heard him come upstairs. None of this would have happened.”

His eyes went stone cold.

“Now listen to me Imogen. One of three things will happen. Lord Robert will either die or he will recover. If he recovers and if he remembers then you are ruined and me too. If he recovers. It is not likely that he will. His brain is badly swollen. It is more likely that he will die without waking. We must remember to be strong. We are together in this. A man is between life and death but not by our hands. It was an act of God! An accident because God is protecting us from retribution. He is giving us a second chance. Do not ruin that by making this into what it is not. Lord Robert slipped and fell. He discovered nothing because nothing was to be discovered. That child you carry is your husbands. You and I were never lovers. We will never be more than acquaintances. I am to leave in three days time. I will finish the work on the doll's house alone and you may do what you wish after that. When I go, I will not write to you nor you to me. I have thought this through and I am decided that this is the course of action we will take. Say nothing. Go back to your life.”

So saying he released me and walked out. I followed him. He strode away from me, down the path towards the park. A blast of cold wind hit me in the face. It was nothing compared to his cruelty.

I went in. I changed out of my outdoor garments and went up to Lady Rhiannon. No news had been brought. I sat with her, reading to her or playing cards or talking of regular matters. When we grew silent, I filled it by talking about my son. I wanted no silence, no time to think.

I dined by myself on a simple meal of meat and greens with fruit for dessert. I insisted on playing the piano for two hours after dinner. When I could put it off no longer I went upstairs. I went to bed. I took some drops in a glass of water, determined to sleep. Michael must have come in some time later because I woke in the early morning to him getting up. He told me he must go to the mine and see that all was well. Would I send for him if any change occurred?

With him gone, I spent my morning with my son. I left Mrs Levin to organise the house, I sent a message to Lady Rhiannon that I would sit with her in the afternoon. The house was quiet and strange. The specialist arrived from London that afternoon. Michael came back early. He spoke with the doctors alone in the study. The prognosis was grave. There could be no question of surgery or of moving Lord Robert. All that could be done had been done. Another night passed with no news and another.

On the third day Stephen Bruce returned to London. He bad me and my husband goodbye, we thanked him for his work and I managed to shake his hand without breaking down. I would not let myself be so weak. After he was gone and Michael had gone to meet with the foreman who ran the mines, I went upstairs to the craft room.

The doll's house was perfect, complete and perfect. Stephen had done a good job. The dolls were placed in a small box. There was no letter of good bye. No token. Nothing. I took the doll that represented him and dropped it into my work box. I would not have it with the others. I placed these around the doll's house, feeling utterly desolate. I finally allowed myself to cry. Once I had no tears left, I put my head down on my arms and fell into an exhausted sleep. A few hours later I was woken by Anna.

Lord Robert had died without ever regaining conciousness.